How trust is lost through inauthentic behavior

Trust isn’t built through perfection. It’s built through authenticity, vulnerability, and humility. In the best teams, people don’t need to have all the answers. They need to show up honestly, ask good questions, and stay open to learning. That kind of culture only works when leaders model it from the top. When they don’t, it creates distance. People start managing impressions instead of solving problems. Energy gets spent on appearances instead of outcomes. I once worked for a boss who really wanted to be a great leader, but never quite showed up fully. He said all the right things about collaboration, strategy, and innovation, but there was always a filter. Something about him felt slick. I remember inviting him to an offsite about our product roadmap. It was an early-stage, messy kind of conversation: technical debates, half-formed ideas, back-and-forth about what might work. Inviting him was a bit of a risk, given what I’d observed. He sat in, but you could tell he was uncomfortable. He wasn’t used to that level of transparency. He was used to polished slides and confident answers, not the raw process of figuring things out together or dealing with uncertainty. That moment stuck with me. I realized he maintained trust by appearing right and in control. He saw our openness to uncertainty as a weakness, when in reality, it was how we built great products and strong teams. That’s when it clicked: I couldn’t work for someone who equated vulnerability with incompetence. Real trust requires showing up as a human. And if you can’t do that, no amount of talk will prove you are qualified.

Avoiding the Dangers of Inauthenticity: "Be Your Best Self"🎭 I once worked with a leader who tried to emulate the charismatic style of a renowned CEO, hoping it would inspire his team. However, his forced attempts at humour and charm felt insincere and created a disconnect with his employees. This experience reminded me of the importance of authenticity in leadership. 🤔 Are you trying to fit into a mould that doesn't feel natural? Are you sacrificing your true self in an attempt to please others or achieve success? Inauthenticity can be detrimental to your leadership and overall well-being. Here's how to avoid its pitfalls: 1. Embrace Your Uniqueness: Recognize and celebrate your own strengths, values, and personality. There's only one you, and that's your superpower. ✨ 2. Be Honest and Transparent: Communicate openly and honestly with your team. Don't try to hide your flaws or pretend to be someone you're not. 🗣️ 3. Lead with Integrity: Let your actions align with your words and values. People can spot a fake a mile away. 4. Build Genuine Connections: Build authentic relationships with your team members. Show genuine interest in their lives and aspirations. 🤝 5. Embrace Vulnerability: Don't be afraid to show your human side. Share your challenges and struggles, and allow others to see your vulnerability. This fosters trust and connection. 🤗 Some may argue that adapting your style to different situations requires leadership skills. While flexibility is important, authenticity should always be the foundation of your leadership approach. Research shows that authentic leaders are more trusted, respected, and effective in inspiring and motivating their teams. They also tend to have lower stress levels and higher job satisfaction. "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde In the context of leadership, this quote reminds us that trying to be someone we're not is a futile and exhausting pursuit. Embracing our true selves is the key to building genuine connections and inspiring others.

Leadership is a trust contract. Break it, and the whole organization pays. I’ve been a founder, GM, C-suite exec. And here’s the reality: culture isn’t defined by all-hands slides or mission statements. It’s defined by the behavior leaders model, especially in moments when no one’s supposed to be watching. The CEO and Chief People Officer aren’t just roles... they’re the people employees are told to trust most. When that trust is abused or compromised, it sends a ripple effect through the entire company. People stop raising their hands. They stop looking for mentors. Instead, they quietly look for the exits. What’s happening right now with that viral moment is a reminder: leaders don’t need to be perfect. But they do need to be accountable. Because if the people in power behave like the rules don’t apply to them, it’s only a matter of time before no one else follows them either. At OhHello, we see every day how mentorship can transform careers. But it only works if people feel safe, if they believe the person across from them has their best interests in mind. Trust isn’t a perk. It’s the baseline. Don’t squander it.

After decades in leadership, I’ve witnessed the fragility of trust firsthand. Team trust is the invisible thread holding everything together, and it isn’t built in grand gestures. It’s earned - or lost - in those small moments when we think no one’s watching. What really stands out to me as trust-breakers are seemingly small events - things like forgetting to acknowledge contributions or showing favoritism in meetings. But it’s these issues that can have seismic impacts on team dynamics. People notice when leaders don’t give credit where it’s due, and they feel unappreciated as a result - creating a domino effect of lower morale and productivity. Here’s a hard truth I’ve learned in my time leading teams: While trust takes years to build, it can evaporate in seconds. The most damaging part? It’s not always about major ethical breaches. Sometimes it’s those subtle, throwaway moments - forgetting to acknowledge contributions, showing favoritism in meetings - that create hairline fractures in the foundation of your leadership. The trickiest part is that once trust is broken, there’s often no way back. I’ve seen talented leaders forced to leave roles not because of dramatic failures, but because they couldn’t rebuild trust after seemingly minor missteps. Ultimately, what I’ve come to realize is that trustworthiness isn’t just a leadership principle. It’s your most valuable currency. Guard it zealously in every interaction, no matter how small, because once you’ve created that bond of trust, your team can do incredible things. #ethics #organizationalculture #businessintegrity

He was our boss. But eventually, no one followed him. At first, it was subtle. A missed deadline here. A teammate talking over others in meetings. Someone fudging numbers on a presentation. The first time it happened, we waited for him to step in. He didn’t. The second time, he smiled it off. The third? He looked the other way. And over time, something shifted... We stopped trusting he’d do the right thing. Not because he was mean. But because he was silent. When a leader refuses to hold people accountable, they lose the one thing they can’t lead without: authority. Because leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about being trusted to protect the mission and the team. I’ve learned this the hard way. In my early days leading, I confused accountability with conflict. So I delayed hard conversations. I let a few people slide And lost the respect of the many who didn’t. Here’s what I know now: 👉 Accountability is the immune system of leadership. 👉 When you let dysfunction spread, it infects the culture quietly. 👉 And when good people leave, they won’t tell you it was because you stayed quiet. So ask yourself: Are you avoiding discomfort today… only to lose trust tomorrow? Because once your authority is gone... your title won’t save you. Follow me for more leadership lessons I had to learn the hard way. #Leadership #CareerAdvice #Trust #TeamCulture #Management #CareerGrowth

In recent years, it’s been gratifying to see leaders acknowledge the importance of authenticity for effective leadership. It was not always that way. When I joined the national security community many years ago, there were few women in my role as an operations officer and fewer still in operational command roles. Back then, there was a particular, stereotypical model for the “successful” operational leader — the bold, brash, glad-handing extrovert (even if our most senior leaders in the intelligence world rarely reflected this model). Women officers, at the time, were navigating a challenging landscape and many chose to try on that model as a pathway to success. I fell prey to this for a time too, but luckily came to a bit of an epiphany. For me, that stereotypical leadership model felt awkward and unnatural, which created a barrier between myself and the teams I hoped to lead. Think back to any moment when you worked with someone who seemed inauthentic and you’ll know exactly what I mean. Why? Trust can never develop in the absence of authenticity, and effective leadership can never flourish in the absence of trust. So, I realized there was only one path to effective leadership, and that was to embrace my unique leadership style. To be my authentic self and show others that they could do the same. And the interesting thing? My career progression accelerated. This photo dates from the month I was promoted into the Senior Intelligence Service (the CIA’s flag rank equivalent) nearly 18 years ago. Have you ever struggled to figure out your own leadership style? How is authenticity encouraged (or perhaps not) in your field? How has authenticity impacted your career trajectory?

A BIG prospect said they would sign on Monday. On Thursday, we were still following up with no response. They signed 1 week later. In between, our Competitor made the WORST mistake I've ever seen: We were about to close a prospect for $45K. 2 year contract. Vendor of choice. Security done. Redlines in progress. Suddenly they ghosted us. After a few follow ups, they forwarded me an email from a competitor. Competitor email (I’m paraphrasing): “We know you’ll go with HockeyStack, but you should know that they are bad people, have a worse product than ours, and here’s a screenshot from a customer that switched:” It was a 5 full paragraphs of nasty sh*t talking. Here’s what happened next: We didn’t respond emotionally. We didn’t trash-talk back. We calmly shared why that one customer in the screenshot wasn’t a fit, and why our prospect was. Since then, half of our prospects shared the SAME email from the same competitor. Do you know what 95% of them did? Still chose us. Why? People buy from those they trust. And nothing kills trust faster than acting insecure or desperate. If your sales strategy is “let’s badmouth the competitor,” you’ve already lost. And the prospects see it as a sign of weak product. You wouldn’t do this if you really had a superior product. Trust wins. Every time.