Why Most Leaders Get Feedback Wrong

Let me state a painful, yet obvious, truth for you… Great feedback is a gift.  

However, if constructive feedback is positive, the opposite is concurrently true. Bad feedback is disability. 

You might not like feedback, but if it’s delivered well by a highly skilled leader, it can literally be the catalyst that changes everything. Said differently, providing feedback is an essential part of leadership, but not all feedback is helpful. 

Providing feedback is an essential part of leadership, but not all feedback is helpful. 

What Most Managers Get Wrong

A few years ago, I was coaching a group of sales managers. One manager, named Meghan, instantly caught my attention.  She was an active participant and insatiably curious about how she could improve. So much so that she asked me to sit in silently on her one-on-one pipeline reviews with team members.  

In one of the sessions with an underperforming rep, she didn’t hold back.  “The way you are doing this is all wrong. You made a mistake at the first three stages of the sales process, and I have seen no signs of improvement. If this doesn’t get better, I won’t have a choice but to move in a different direction.” 

At the end of the meeting, Meghan asked, “I felt good about how I delivered the feedback. How did you think I did?”

Since she was asking for feedback, I was sure going to give it.  I replied, “You’re intention and courage were a major positive, and it shows me you can do this job.  However, you forgot an essential leadership principle: 

“Good leaders make you believe in them, great leaders help you believe in you.”  

I continued, "Your feedback was direct and candid; however, it missed the mark because it didn’t help your team member believe in themselves.  In fact, an argument could be made that your rep is already looking for a new job.” 

To her credit, she didn’t get defensive; she got curious and used the moment to learn specific techniques to improve moving forward.  

The truth is, the best feedback is direct, and it transfers belief simultaneously. Done poorly, it crushes confidence.  Done well, it fuels growth and performance. 

What is Feedback and Why Does it Matter?

Feedback is misunderstood, so let’s get on the same page.  Feedback provides valuable information or advice that lets someone know if they’re on track. It’s a form of teaching, which is essential because a leader's job is to teach, not critique.

A leader's job is to teach, not critique.

Gallup found that employees who receive meaningful feedback are 3.6 times more engaged and productive. Despite this, fewer than one in three managers claim to be skilled at giving feedback. This reveals a significant gap that is evident in almost every organization.  It’s what I call the feedback gap. 

Leaders tend to either avoid feedback as a way to dodge conflict or deliver it harshly, which tears people down instead of building them up. Both approaches hurt the short and long-term success of the individual or the team. 

Good constructive feedback is specific, timely, and actionable. However, most managers don’t give constructive feedback; they give destructive feedback. Which is often untimely, charged with emotions, and judgmental in nature.

A Framework for the Right Kind of Feedback

In Building the Best and Accelerate Leadership workshops, I share a similar approach, called a direct dialogue, which allows constructive feedback while also transferring belief.

1. Set the stage with something positive: Starting with a positive sets the tone. It reminds the person of what they are doing well and lowers their defenses. When someone feels valued first, they are more willing to hear what needs to improve.
2. Share evidence or an educated perspective: Feedback should always be grounded in specifics. Point to facts, data, or observed behaviors, not generalities. This keeps the conversation from feeling like a personal attack and builds credibility in what you are saying.
3. Talk impact: Make it clear why the behavior matters. Explain how their actions affect the team, the client, or the results. When people understand the consequences, they view feedback as necessary, rather than nitpicking.
4. Coach for growth: End by teaching. Show them what to do differently next time, or ask questions that help them figure it out themselves. This is where belief gets transferred, because you are equipping them with a path forward.

This model isn’t perfect, but it is intentional. When people leave a conversation like this, they might not love or even like that it happened. However, they will respect it because it’s direct while simultaneously transferring belief.

Closing

Remember, your job isn’t to critique, it’s to teach. Instead of pointing out all the mistakes as if you are flawless, use feedback as a development tool. Use it as a mechanism to show people you care about them, but also have the courage to share insight that will help them.

That’s why the 4-step direct dialogue framework matters. Setting the stage with something positive, sharing evidence, talking impact, and coaching for growth gives you a practical way to provide feedback that is direct while transferring belief.

Think about it. If someone had information that would help your performance and they had the proper delivery, wouldn’t you want them to have the courage to share it? Of course you would.

So when you give feedback this way, you don’t just help people perform better. You help them believe in themselves. And that’s the kind of leadership that lasts.

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About the Author: John Eades is the CEO of LearnLoft and The Sales Infrastructure. He was named one of LinkedIn’s Top Voices. John is also the author of Building the Best: 8 Proven Leadership Principles to Elevate Others to Success. You can follow him on Instagram @johngeades.