Why Leadership Breaks Most Men (And Forges the Rest)

Let’s tell the truth.

Leadership doesn’t break most people because it’s hard.

It breaks them because it’s invisible.

It doesn’t show up in your calendar or your org chart. It shows up in the 2am gut check when you realize your entire team is watching and you have no idea what you’re doing.

It shows up when the growth stalls, the A-players are burned out, and the B-players who think they’re A’s are steering your company into a ditch.

It shows up when the mask slips—and what’s underneath isn’t pretty.

I sat down with Alan Lazaros this week to talk about what leadership really demands.

Alan runs a global team of 18. He’s coached for over a decade. And he’s recorded more than 2,000 podcast episodes without missing a day.

The man is obsessed—but in the right way.

“I used to think I could adapt to anyone,” he told me. “That I could make anyone succeed if I just worked hard enough. But the truth is, you can’t lead people who don’t want to grow.”

That hit.

Because I’ve hired the wrong people too. Hell, I’ve been the wrong person in seasons of my life.

Leadership doesn’t just reveal the character of your team. It exposes the cracks in you.

The danger isn’t your D-players.

It’s your B-players who think they’re A’s.

They’re the ones who brand-manage instead of lead. Who hide behind busywork and try to perform their way to prestige.

And if you’re not careful, they’ll take your company—and your sanity—with them.

Alan and I both made the same mistake early: Trying to build a business that accommodated everyone.

24 departments. A charity. A team bloated with good intentions and tight margins.

“We were growing at 119% YoY… until it all started collapsing.”

That’s what overextension looks like in real life.

It’s not a headline. It’s realizing you have 24 people on payroll… and only 8 of them are doing work that actually matters.

So what do you do when your vision outpaces your capacity?

You contract. You cut. And you focus like hell on what only you can do.

For Alan, that meant anchoring to 3 rules for who gets to be on the team:

1. Inward humility
2. High work ethic
3. Unshakable commitment to growth

Everything else is noise.

Because at the end of the day, the person you hire is either reinforcing your values—or eroding them.

And the person you are? Same deal.

Leadership is an art.

But it’s also a spiritual war.

Alan said something that stayed with me long after the mics turned off:

“I build the self. I build the family. I build the business.”

That’s not a motivational mantra. That’s the cost of impact.

He’s not working 18-hour days because he’s a masochist. He’s doing it because he refuses to die with his potential locked inside.

That’s the difference between the grind and the craft.

So if you’re in the middle of the rebuild...

—If you’re waking up at 5am wondering if you’re even cut out for this…

—If you’re leading a team that doesn’t see your vision yet…

—If you’re holding the line while everyone else settles…

I see you.

You're not broken. You're being reforged.

And you don't need another title.

You need fire. You need clarity. And you need to lead from principle—not permission.

Listen to the full conversation with Alan Lazaros on the Second Life Leader podcast: 🎙️ DougUtberg.com

This isn’t about followers. It’s about freedom.

And freedom isn’t granted. It’s forged.

— Doug