What I Learned When the Third Path Was Better Than Picking a Side

We have all been there, pulled between two strong options, both valid, feeling the pressure to decide. Leadership often feels like a choice between speed or quality, stability or change, people or profit. But what if the real opportunity lies not in picking one or the other but in holding both and the creative tension between them?

This question sits at the heart of The Systems Leader. Siegel shows leadership as the work of navigating “cross pressures”, the simultaneous and often contradictory demands on leaders every day. These demands are not problems to overcome but essential forces to orchestrate.

For me, this resonates deeply. I see how honoring both sides and grounding them in shared purpose creates a powerful source of innovation and alignment. The paradox is not a barrier; it is fuel.

Siegel’s research identifies five key “cross-pressures” that define the work of systems leadership:

• Priorities: delivering excellent execution today while building for tomorrow’s innovation
• People: showing strength and decisiveness while also being empathetic and open
• Sphere of Influence: managing internal operations while cultivating external partnerships
• Geography: acting with local insight and global perspective
• Purpose: driving ambition boldly while embodying humility and statesmanship

Systems leaders do not split the difference. They intentionally hold and orchestrate these tensions, understanding that when managed with curiosity and courage, the friction itself becomes generative.

From Insight to Action: Creating Your Third Path

This process is drawn directly from Siegel’s in-depth interviews with leaders who faced real, tangled tensions in their work. Their stories and the third paths they forged are inspiring, showing leadership in action that transformed organizations and outcomes.

To help you follow this approach, here are practical steps inspired by Siegel’s work:

1. Diagnose the cross pressures. Identify and name the simultaneous demands you face. These often feel like contradictions needing resolution but are actually the energy at the heart of your leadership challenge.
2. Value both sides. Step back from picking right or wrong. Understand what each position offers and why it matters. This creates space for a real synthesis.
3. Design accountability and communication. Build clear feedback systems and open communication that let these tensions be visible and productive instead of hidden or avoided.
4. Experiment and synthesize. Use prototypes or pilot initiatives to creatively blend the strengths of both sides. This is not compromise it is a new solution.
5. Stay adaptive and reflect. Learn from results, adjust as needed, and keep evolving the third path as your environment changes.
6. Hold paradox with intention. Develop “paradoxical thinking” the skill Siegel describes as holding complexity without rushing to fix it. This mindset opens space for breakthrough innovation and nuanced decision-making.

Questions to Reflect On

• When was the last time you faced two strong yet conflicting options?
• Which of Siegel’s five cross pressures come naturally to you? Which challenge you most?
• Do you tend to seek compromises, or do you try to build creative syntheses?

Bonus Tool: Leader’s Tension Map

To help bring this to life, I created the Leader’s Tension Map, a simple visual worksheet for you and your team to name your specific cross pressures and work through the systems leadership process.

How it works:

1. Name Your Tensions: Write down two competing priorities or demands that pull you in different directions.
2. Explore the Value: For each, list what makes it important and worth preserving.
3. Ask Generative Questions: How might you hold both benefits at once? What possibilities emerge between the poles?
4. Design Your Experiment: Sketch a low-risk initiative or change that blends these strengths.
5. Plan to Learn: Decide how you will observe, measure, and reflect to refine your approach.

This tool helps you turn complexity and tension into clarity and action, moving beyond either-or choices and toward the innovative third path. I’m happy to share it, just ask for your branded copy in the comments!

What I learned when the third path was better than picking a side is this: paradox is not a weakness in leadership. It is deep strength, the ability to hold contradictions and shape them into possibilities.