Mindset and Skills For Being a Peacemaker: Implications for Business and HR leaders (and Each of Us)

Tragedy, conflicts, and associated inflammatory rhetoric in recent months, weeks, and days have become widespread and visible: Charlie Kirk assassination, Christian religious assaults in Michigan (USA), Jewish religious assaults in Manchester (UK), Gen Z protests in Madagascar and South Asia, and a divisive US political climate leading to government shutdown.

Of course, conflicts are not new. But with pervasive media attention, the rhetoric wars have risen to new levels of vitriol, with many on each side of an issue blaming the other and causing increased polarization, toxicity, enmity, and—most sadly—violence.

Political leaders of all parties (and many others) have called for more civility, unity, and common good:

In the US:

• Barack Obama emphasized that “we are not a collection of red states and blue states.”
• George W. Bush stressed unity after the 9/11 attacks; he later called for civility in public discourse.
• Joe Biden campaigned on “restoring the soul of America,” often highlighting unity and bipartisanship.
• The US National Governors Association, led by Utah’s Spencer Cox, launched “Disagree Better” as a bipartisan civility initiative.

Globally:

• Nelson Mandela advocated reconciliation and unity in post-apartheid South Africa.
• Angela Merkel (Germany) emphasized civility and respect for democratic institutions in polarized times.
• Jacinda Ardern promoted kindness, unity, and compassion in politics, especially after the Christchurch, New Zealand, mosque attacks.
• Emmanuel Macron (France) often frames national challenges around unity and dialogue against extremism.

Polls show that seventy to ninety percent of citizens want more civility and unity and are willing to work to make progress.

But how to go beyond inspiring rhetoric?

While the political and social polarity will inevitably continue, business and HR leaders can make real progress in their own organizations (and individuals in their personal lives) to exemplify and promote what I will call peacemaking (an underlying concept that integrates civility, unity, common good, and related ideals). Peacemaking is choosing reconciliation, making possible our ability to disagree without being disagreeable, have tension without contention, hold different views with mutual respect, debate without denigration, engage without enmity, and pursue respectful candor. When we seek peacemaking, we help individuals flourish at home and work and drive organization prosperity by delivering more value to all stakeholders.

Let me suggest both a mindset (attitude) and skills (actions) for peacemaking that apply in personal relationships and organization settings.

Mindset of Peacemakers

1.      Know and live core values. Values represent the beliefs and principles that guide how one lives, defines success, and treats others. Personal peacemaking values are a moral compass that shape character; we grow in tolerance, humility, calmness under pressure, and comfort with our personal identity. Organization peacemaking values define purpose and vision around collaboration, care for employees, inclusion, and belonging. Leaders as peacemakers recognize and live these personal and enact organizational values.

2.     Respect others’ values. Those with polarizing mindsets believe, “I am right; you are wrong.” Those with peacemaking mindsets believe, “Everyone has something to offer.” These leaders respect, solicit, and learn from each person’s unique experiences to help turn alternative insights into improved and innovative problem identification and solutions. 

3.     Be open to influence. People may be more or less open to change. Those closed to change believe they have all the answers and no further discussion or debate is required. Those open to change are curious and believe that other options might exist and are willing to explore them. Peacemakers have an open mindset to learn, grow, and be influenced.

Skills for Peacemakers

Peacemaking is not just a mindset or aspiration but a set of skills and actions that can be identified and applied to move from ideas to impact.

4.     Listen and ask questions. Understanding someone else’s values and actions requires listening to their point of view until they feel understood. Listening is not only understanding the other person but ensuring that the other person feels understood. Listening for mutual understanding does not necessarily mean agreeing but does mean fully grasping what and why someone believes and behaves as they do. Curious peacemakers learn by asking questions until they fully understand. 

5.     Seek common ground. Peacemakers seek and find agreement around shared interests. For example, employees from different groups and at different levels may share a common agenda to succeed in the marketplace. While they may disagree on strategies or investments to get there, they are all benefited by the shared agenda of market success. Leaders as peacemakers look beyond divergence to discover convergence.

6.     Repair and forgive. Inevitably, someone may say or do something that offends another. Peacemaking comes by forgiving and seeking forgiveness. Forgiving comes by not harboring past sleights and accepting fresh starts, thus releasing resentment and moving on. Think of Erika Kirk forgiving the young man accused of murdering her husband. Seeking forgiveness comes by recognizing a mistake, sincerely apologizing, making amends, demonstrating learning, and behaving differently, thus turning failure into opportunity.

7.     Show empathy and compassion. Peacemakers care about people more than problems. When they engage with others, they not only listen to the spoken words but sense the feelings behind the words. Peacemakers can acknowledge others’ views and needs and respond with empathy even when disagreeing. Think of the donations by the parishioners attacked in Michigan to support the family of the perpetrator. Their compassion fosters peace.

8.     Serve someone. Peacemakers make others better. They pay attention to what matters to someone else, and they serve them. I have seen this service rendered in many ways: a gift to the person in conflict (or to their spouse or child), a public recognition of respect, a personal note, sharing credit, or supporting another’s cause. Peacemakers deliver goodwill through their service to others.

9.     Express gratitude. Nothing furthers a difficult conversation than beginning with gratitude: thanking the person for engaging and seeking common ground. Showing gratitude is based on the mindset that everyone has something to offer (mindset tip 2). Peacemakers give and receive others’ offerings and are grateful for them, even when they disagree.

10.   Leave an engagement with a focus on the future. Few disagreements are resolved in one setting. Most progress comes from small and simple steps where the focus is on what can be done going forward. Peacemakers seek a small step forward, which might be a joint appearance, handshake, or even commitment to continue a dialogue. 

Conclusion and Most Important Message

Changing the polarization and vitriol in political or social settings is difficult, if not impossible. However, peacemaking (mindset and skills) begins in one’s heart with a commitment to build up, not tear down. Peacemaking can then be extended to personal relationships with friends and family through patience, humility, and genuine kindness. Peacemaking can also be brought into organizations as business and HR leaders become peacemakers.

Why? Peacemaking leads to positive individual energy and commitment, and high performance for organizations delivering value to stakeholders.

How? We must adopt a peacemaking mindset of respect, and model and encourage peacemaking skills by managing honest differences of opinion with mutual respect and dignified dialogue.

I can’t think of anything more important than moving beyond rhetoric to actually being peacemakers in today’s polarized, contentious, and vitriolic world. As the classic song suggests, let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.

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Dave Ulrich is Rensis Likert Professor Emeritus at the Ross School of Business, University of Michigan, and a partner at The RBL Group, a consulting firm focused on helping organizations and leaders deliver value.