The mindset behind the -isms

We've all absorbed ideas from the world around us.

Some are helpful. Some are hurtful. And some, we don't even realise we carry.

Racism, sexism, ageism, ableism, heterosexism (homophobia), classism, sizeism, antisemitism… these "-isms" can sound like big, abstract problems that live out there somewhere. But often, they begin as small, unconscious biases that live quietly in our own thinking.

This isn't about shame. It's about awareness. Because when we see our patterns clearly, we gain the power to choose differently and that's where change begins.

Last week a one of my posts blew up when I spoke about the racial backlash that was literally thrown all over the place when the new CEO of Air New Zealand Nikhil Ravishankar was announced. I also got a number of messages from people both in and out of my network what spoke about how the post spoke to them. These were people not just of colour, but gender, age, lived realities... It really got me thinking, this newsletter has always been around the mindset and human behaviour and thinking so I thought I would write about this from the angle of mindset, as you know Mindset Matters.

Today, I want to explore how these mindsets form, why not all "-isms" look the same, and how we can shift them in ourselves and in the spaces we influence.

The announcement the other day made headlines, not just for the appointment itself, but for the reaction it triggered. Instead of celebrating the leader's track record and vision, the comments section quickly filled with racially charged remarks.

That's bias in real time. Not a system or a law but a mindset speaking through individuals who may not even recognise their own prejudice.

It's a reminder that "-isms" aren't always in history books. They're alive in everyday conversations, hiring decisions, and social media threads.

Similarly, when a woman is appointed to a top executive role, whether at a major airline, a tech company, or a government department, she is often greeted with two sets of expectations (I write this as a man, so I am sure there are numerous more expectations on women that I am not aware of through my own bias):

• Prove you're as capable as a man.
• Do it while navigating commentary about your looks, your family life, or your "tone."

This isn't just sexism in the abstract. It's mindset bias, the mental model that says "leaders look a certain way" and anyone outside that template must earn extra legitimacy.

The neuroscience of 'Us' and 'Them'

To understand where bias begins, we need to look deeper than culture alone. Our brains are pattern making machines, evolved to keep us safe by rapidly categorising the world around us. Within milliseconds of meeting someone, our neural networks are already sorting them into mental boxes, safe or threatening, familiar or foreign, competent or questionable.

This happens in the amygdala, our brain's ancient alarm system, before our rational mind even knows what's occurring. It's why you might feel an inexplicable unease around someone who looks different from you, or why you instinctively trust someone who reminds you of a beloved family member. Your brain is running a lightning fast threat assessment based on pattern recognition, not conscious evaluation.

The psychological term for this is "categorical thinking", our tendency to see the world in discrete groups rather than as individuals on a spectrum. Once we've placed someone in a category, confirmation bias kicks in. We notice information that confirms our initial categorisation and dismiss or reinterpret information that contradicts it.

This isn't inherently malicious. It's human. But it becomes problematic when these snap judgments determine someone's opportunities, treatment, or worth.

The architecture of assumption

Consider what psychologists call "prototype theory." In your mind, you carry a mental prototype, a kind of template, for every category you know. When you think "leader," what comes to mind? Tall? Male? White? Confident voice? Expensive suit?

These prototypes aren't formed in isolation. They're built from repeated exposure to patterns in your environment. If most leaders you've seen in media, history books, and your workplace match a certain profile, that becomes your unconscious template for "what leadership looks like.

The insidious part? When someone doesn't match the prototype, your brain has to work harder to process them as legitimate. This cognitive load, otherwise known as what prototype penalty, means that women, people of colour, and others outside the dominant template don't just have to be competent; they have to overcome the extra mental effort it takes for others to see them as competent.

This explains why a Black woman CEO might be questioned about decisions that wouldn't raise an eyebrow if made by a white man. It's not necessarily conscious racism or sexism, it's the brain struggling to reconcile reality with its learned prototype.

The social learning laboratory

From the moment we're born, we're immersed in what is termed the "social learning laboratory." We learn not through direct instruction, but through observation, imitation, and subtle reinforcement.

We absorb who's "normal" and who's "different" through:

• The heroes in the movies we watch
• The leaders in the news
• The people we see celebrated… and those we see mocked
• The micro expressions on our parents' faces when they encounter different types of people
• The jokes that get laughs and the ones that get silence

This creates mental frameworks that operate below conscious awareness but powerfully shape our perceptions and reactions. Research has shown that children as young as three already show measurable implicit biases. They haven't been taught to discriminate, but they've absorbed the subtle patterns in their environment about who has value, power, and worth.

Here's what makes this particularly complex, these schemas aren't just about the groups we're biased against. They also shape how we see our own groups. If you're a man, you might unconsciously expect other men to be more rational or decisive. If you're white, you might subconsciously assume other white people are more trustworthy or competent. These "in group biases" can be just as limiting and harmful as out group prejudices.

The emotional undercurrents of bias

Bias isn't just cognitive, it's deeply emotional. @Dr. Susan Fiske's research identifies two key emotional drivers... fear and disgust.

Fear based bias typically emerges around groups perceived as threatening to our resources, status, or safety. This might manifest as anxiety around affirmative action policies, resentment toward immigrants, or discomfort with younger colleagues who seem to threaten job security.

Disgust based bias often targets groups seen as violating moral or social norms. This can show up as revulsion toward certain religious practices, lifestyle choices, or even physical appearances that differ from the norm.

Understanding these emotional roots helps explain why logical arguments often fail to change biased thinking. You can't reason someone out of an emotional response they didn't reason themselves into.

Why not all -isms are equal

Not all "-isms" carry the same weight in terms of harm or systemic oppression.

Some are deeply embedded in historical injustice, racism, sexism, ableism, and are reinforced by laws, institutions, and cultural norms. These structural disadvantages are systematic barriers that compound over time.

Others may be less systemic and more situational, like sizeism in certain industries or ageism in a startup culture that glorifies youth. While still harmful, they may not carry the same generational weight or institutional reinforcement.

But here's the psychological key, even when the stakes are different, the mindset mechanism is the same. We categorise. We assume. We judge, often without real evidence.

Think of it as a spectrum of harm rather than a binary of "problematic" or "acceptable." This nuanced view allows us to address bias proportionally while still taking all forms seriously.

When you understand that, you see why it's not enough to just "be a good person." You have to actively examine the lens you're looking through.

The illusion of objectivity

Perhaps the most crazy aspect of bias is that it feels like truth. This bias blind spot is our tendency to see bias clearly in others while remaining oblivious to our own.

We tell ourselves stories that justify our snap judgments such as "I'm just being realistic," "I'm going with my gut," or "I have good instincts about people." But maybe, just maybe our "instincts" are often just our biases in disguise.

Consider the "halo effect", our tendency to let one positive trait colour our entire perception of someone. If someone attended the same university as you, you might unconsciously assume they're smarter, more hardworking, or more trustworthy than someone who didn't. This isn't based on evidence; it's based on mental shortcuts that favour familiarity.

The flip side is the "horns effect", where one negative trait (or stereotype) overshadows everything else. A candidate with a foreign accent might be seen as less intelligent, despite demonstrating exceptional expertise. A woman who speaks confidently might be labeled "aggressive," while the same behaviour in a man would be called "leadership."

A personal realisation

Years ago, I caught one of my own unconscious biases in action.

I was working with a student, in my very early years in NZ, who used a wheelchair. In our first meeting, without realising it, I spoke louder and slower, as if mobility impairment meant they'd struggle to understand me.

Halfway through, I caught myself. This person was articulate, sharp, and didn't need me to "adjust" my communication. My bias wasn't malicious, but it was there, quietly influencing my behaviour.

That moment was uncomfortable. But it was also freeing. Because once I saw it, I could change it.

What struck me later was the psychology behind my reaction. My brain had lumped "disability" into one category, assuming that limitations in one area meant limitations in all areas. This categorical overgeneralisation means I was applying broad assumptions to specific individuals based on group membership.

More importantly, I realised how my "helpfulness" was actually condescending. I was operating from benevolent bias, a prejudice disguised as kindness. It felt good to me (I was being considerate!) but was diminishing to them (they were being treated as less capable).

This taught me that good intentions aren't enough. We need self awareness about the stories our brains tell us about others. I need to do a massive shout out to the Disability Information Service Otago and my colleague Elizabeth Seymour that have taught me so much in this space.

The hidden cost of mental shortcuts

When bias goes unchecked, it doesn't just harm others, it impoverishes our own thinking and decision making.

Cognitively, bias narrows our problem solving capacity. When we only seek input from people who look like us or think like us, we miss crucial perspectives and innovative solutions.

Emotionally, maintaining biases requires energy. The mental gymnastics of justifying prejudgments, the discomfort of cognitive dissonance when reality doesn't match our stereotypes, the vigilance required to maintain an "us versus them" worldview, all of this is pretty exhausting.

Relationally, bias erodes trust and connection. When people sense they're being judged through a stereotypical lens rather than seen as individuals, they withdraw. We lose access to their full talents, insights, and contributions.

Organisationally, bias creates what researchers call "homophily", the tendency for similar people to cluster together. This leads to groupthink, missed opportunities, and decreased innovation.

Think about what happens when a qualified woman in her 50s applies for a tech leadership role, but is told she's "overqualified" or "not a culture fit." The organisation doesn't just lose her expertise, they lose the perspective that comes from her decades of experience navigating male dominated industries, her understanding of different generational communication styles, and her ability to mentor other women entering tech.

The paradox of progress

Here's where things go creazzzzzzyyy... and I see this happening first hand in schools, in organisations and also with people I know personally, the more we learn about bias, the more we risk becoming paralysed by it.

Some people respond to bias awareness by becoming hypervigilant, second guessing every thought and reaction to the point of decision paralysis. Others swing to the opposite extreme, dismissing bias concerns entirely because they feel too overwhelming or accusatory.

We see this reactance effect when people push back against information that makes them feel their autonomy or self-concept is threatened.

The healthiest response lies in what I keep on harping on about.... the development of a growth mindset. And in this context it means, seeing bias awareness not as a judgment of your character, but as information that can help you make better decisions. It's also where my idea around Mindfluence slots in.

From unconscious to aware

Shifting bias isn't about perfection, it's about building what I call cognitive flexibility aka MindFluence. The ability to positively influence mindsets, becomes so powerful. When we understand how our thoughts shape our actions, and how our actions ripple out to others, we can use that influence intentionally.

MindFluence isn’t about persuading people to think like you; it’s about creating the conditions for openness, empathy, and curiosity to flourish. By becoming more aware of our own biases, we model the mindset shifts we want to see in others. And when we bring this level of conscious influence into a team or community, the impact can be profound, replacing unconscious bias with conscious connection.

Here's a more nuanced approach:

1. Map your mental models Instead of just noticing patterns, dig deeper. What mental models do you carry about competence, leadership, creativity, reliability? Where did these models come from? Whose voices shaped them?

Try this: For one week, notice your first thought when you meet someone new. Don't judge it, just observe it. What assumptions is your brain making? What evidence is it using? What evidence is it ignoring?

2. Practice perspective taking Empathy isn't just feeling for someone, it's actively trying to see the world through their eyes. This requires you to temporarily setting aside your own viewpoint to genuinely consider another's experience.

Try this: Before your next important conversation with someone different from you, spend five minutes imagining their day. What challenges might they face that you don't? What strengths might they bring that you haven't considered?

3. Slow down the system Bias thrives in what psychologist Daniel Kahneman calls "System 1 thinking", fast, automatic, intuitive. The antidote is "System 2 thinking", slower, more deliberate, more analytical.

Try this: In important decisions involving people, build in a 24-hour delay. Ask yourself.. "If this person looked different or had a different background but identical qualifications, would I make the same choice?"

4. Seek disconfirming evidence Our brains naturally look for information that confirms our existing beliefs. Counter this by actively seeking evidence that challenges your assumptions.

Try this: For every judgment you make about someone, ask: "What am I not seeing?" "What would someone who disagrees with me notice?" "What story might this person tell about themselves that's different from the story I'm telling about them?"

5. Practice intellectual humility The recognition that our knowledge and perspectives are limited means we are less prone to bias and more open to changing our minds.

Try this: Start conversations about difference with "I'm curious about your experience" rather than statements about what you think you know.

From personal to cultural

Individual bias work isn't just about personal growth, it's about the collective intelligence of our communities and organisations.

When you interrupt your own biased thinking, you create space for others to do the same. When you model intellectual humility, you give permission for others to acknowledge their own blind spots. When you slow down snap judgments, you demonstrate that thoughtful evaluation is valued over quick conclusions.

This is how cultures shift, not through mandates or policies alone, but through individuals choosing awareness, over and over again, until it becomes the norm.

Practical reflection exercise

This week,I'd love to leave you with an exercise I have adapted from some coaching work that I do . It's a version of meta-cognitive reflection, where you get to think about your thinking.

Day 1-2: The archaeology of assumption

• When did I first learn that certain types of people were "different"?
• What messages did I absorb about my own group's superiority or inferiority?
• Which of my assumptions feel most "true" and therefore hardest to question?

Day 3-4: The emotional landscape

• Which groups trigger fear, disgust, or discomfort in me? Why might that be?
• Which groups do I feel automatically positive about? Is that fair to individuals within those groups?
• What would it feel like to be judged by someone who holds unconscious bias against my group?

Day 5-7: The practice of presence

• How can I stay present with my discomfort when my assumptions are challenged?
• What would change if I approached each person as a unique individual rather than a representative of their group?
• How might my workplace, family, or community be different if everyone did this work?

Give is a crack, you don't need to share your results, but instead reflect on your own self awareness piece. BUT if you're feeling brave, discuss one insight from this reflection with someone who's different from you in a significant way. Ask for their perspective on your observations.

Bias is part of being human. But the willingness to examine it, question it, and slowly change it? That's the mark of wisdom.

Every "-ism", whether deeply oppressive or subtly exclusionary, is an invitation to ask ourselves:..."What lens am I looking through? And is it helping me see reality clearly, or is it distorting my view?"

The most profound shifts happen not when we eliminate bias (impossible), but when we develop the psychological flexibility to notice it, the intellectual humility to question it, and the emotional courage to choose differently.

Because the mindset work isn't just about personal growth. It's about the kind of world we're building, one interaction, one decision, one moment of awareness at a time.

And that world starts with each of us choosing to see clearly, over and over again.

Thank you for taking time to read this

Till next week

Stay Awesome

Prajesh

If this resonated with you, don’t keep it to yourself, share this newsletter with someone who needs it. Let’s spread the kind of mindset that changes lives.

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