"This might hurt a little bit..."

“I can’t promise it won’t hurt — but I can promise it will be better.”

“But I know it’s going to hurt,” she says, her giant green eyes welling up with tears.

And I hate that I can’t promise her otherwise. The fact that I can’t say, with honesty, “No, it won’t hurt” cuts me to the core.

My beautiful 9-year-old daughter had her ears pierced about a year ago. She was so excited for the results. Unfortunately, even after checking reviews and choosing a salon I trusted for my own beauty needs, it turned into the exact nightmare every mom hopes to avoid.

The woman used a piercing gun. With little warmth or coaching, she shot the first ear. My daughter’s eyes flew wide with terror, and she screamed, begging not to have the second ear done. Somehow, within minutes, the woman pierced the other ear — this time off-center and at an awkward angle.

I was devastated, but tried not to let my need for perfection get in the way. Still, in the months ahead one ear became infected, and I finally convinced my daughter to take the earrings out, let everything heal, and start fresh.

A few weeks ago, she told me she was ready to try again. She knew it had been scary, but it mattered to her. And this time, I tripled my research. We found a studio that specializes in piercing — especially with children. They use numbing creams, have child-friendly processes, and pride themselves on gentle, expert technicians.

So there she is, sitting upright in a giant black leather chair made for adults, her little body dwarfed by it. That morning she’d wavered — terrified of the pain, unsure if it was worth it — yet somehow knowing it was the only way to get what she wanted.

Those huge green eyes filled with tears (the one thing that brings this mom to her knees), and she looks at me, silently pleading: Please mommy, tell me it won’t hurt. I’m really scared it’s going to hurt.

But she trusts me. She’s looking for my leadership in this big, scary moment. And I can’t lie. If I tell her it won’t hurt, what will that teach her about facing future fears with my help? If I deny the truth now, will she brace even harder later, knowing she can’t trust me to prepare her?

So I take a deep breath and say: “I can’t promise it won’t hurt — but I can promise it will be better. We know more this time. We’re making better choices. We’re doing it better.”

It was the only promise I could stand behind. And sitting in that salon, I already knew it was true. We had an experienced technician. We had numbing cream. We had the right tools.

I just wanted to make a promise I could keep. It might not be painless, but I could promise it would be better. And voilà. With deep breaths and watery eyes, she suddenly said, “Wow. Yes, I could feel it, but yes — it was better.” A perfect piercing. Another deep breath, another quick pinch, and then — a huge smile and sigh of relief. Mission accomplished.

Fast-forward 24 hours. I’m on the phone with my coach, my most trusted expert on conflict. I’m in tears, wrestling with a personal situation that has kept me awake for months.

And in the most masterful way, she says: “I can see where we’re going. And I know we’ll get there. The pain you’re feeling right now is part of the journey forward.”

Immediately, I respond: “So you can’t promise it won’t hurt — but you can promise it will be better?”

She laughs as I tell her the story of my daughter’s appointment just the day before.

And she says, “Yes. Exactly. I can’t promise it won’t hurt. But I can promise it will get better.”

It was exactly what I needed to hear to take a deep breath — and take the next step.

As leaders, we’re often asked to guide others through moments where the outcome is uncertain and the process may hurt. The truth is, we can’t promise our teams that change, growth, or conflict will be painless. But we can promise to use what we’ve learned, to make better choices, and to move forward with greater wisdom.

Leading through uncertainty doesn’t mean removing the fear or guaranteeing comfort. It’s about creating trust that even in the hard moments, we’re moving toward something better.

So here’s the reflection: What promises can you make, with integrity, that help your people take the next step forward with you — even when it might still hurt?

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