BREAKING NEWS Local reporters rushed to the scene today after a soda machine bravely admitted what most of us hide on Zoom. The middle spout displayed a sign reading “NOT A WINNER. Out of service.” Authorities confirmed the spout was simply the first employee in history to be honest about its capacity. Witnesses reported the neighboring Coke and Pibb nozzles pretending not to notice, which experts say mirrors typical office behavior when a coworker is visibly melting down. The investigation continues, but early theories point to burnout, clogged tubes, and the crushing pressure of serving 200 people who cannot pick a beverage to save their lives. If you also feel “not a winner” today, congratulations. You might just be the only one telling the truth. More updates at eleven. (Ahem, 7-11) #workinprogmess #careersatire
