Mastering your sub-communication

All right. Now it's time to start laying a confident foundation for our practical communication skills. And the first thing we're going to talk about is how the way we say something determines both what people hear us say and how much confidence we project. So listen to this. She didn't tell me she hired you. She didn't tell me she hired you. She didn't tell me she hired you. She didn't tell me she hired you. She didn't tell me she hired you. She didn't tell me she hired you. She didn't tell me she hired you. The same exact seven words in the same exact order can communicate at least seven different things depending on something as simple as the emphasis I give them. For example, saying, "She didn't tell me she hired you," suggests that I found it out by something else she did or said while saying, "She didn't tell me she hired you," suggests that she might have told me something else about you and maybe that I'm surprised by the fact that she gave you the job. And in addition to that, I can even emphasize the same words, but still change the meaning completely by just changing my tone and my body language. For example, she didn't tell me she hired you, makes it sound like I'm excited that she gave you the job. But, she didn't tell me she hired you, make it sound like I'm upset that you were the one she hired. So this is simple but hopefully clear example of how important your sub-communication is. And to clarify, your sub-communication is the way you say something, not the words you say, but the emphasis, tone, volume, pace, power, body language, and so on that you express those words with. Your sub-communication actually determines what other people hear you say even more than the words you use. And not only can your sub-communication change the meaning of the words you say, but it also creates an impression of how confident you feel about what you're saying. Consider, for example, the difference between how I usually speak in these videos. And if I were to speak much more quietly and with a lot of hesitation and without any real conviction in my voice, are you as likely to think that I know what I'm talking about now? Probably not. Or the difference between saying, I think we should go with option B and saying, I think we should go with option B...? Which one makes me sound the most confident about my opinion. Now, before we move on to talk about pace, power, body language, and eye contact, which are all just as critical parts of our sub-communication, I want to share two simple exercises you can do if you'd like to improve your skills for the parts of your sub-communication that we just talked about. Firstly, start paying attention both to your own and other confident people's sub-communication, especially in situations where you might want to sound more confident. Paying attention to your own sub-communication will help you discover what you already do well and where there's room for improvement. And paying attention to people you consider to be confident communicators will give you real-world examples that you can then emulate while you work on making those improvements. Secondly, have some fun. Making a game out of changing the meaning of your words in the ways that I demonstrated earlier can be a fun way to take more conscious control of your sub-communication. And this is something that you can safely do when you're having casual conversations with people that you're already comfortable with. By doing this regularly, you'll become much more used to taking active control and actively choosing the sub-communication that will best fit your communication goals in any situation.